The Power of Photo Editing

 

This is me, Coralee. I'm 18 years young, a student, musician, model, crafter writer and fighter of illness. I'm a friend, a daughter, girlfriend, and so much more. But is this really me? Do I really have almost clear skin, and perfectly applies makeup? Does my skin really glow like that? A lot of you may see me posting about what it's like to live with a long term illness on Instagram, Twitter, sometimes even Tumblr. So keeping that in mind, how can I look so nice in this photo, that I posted a few months back, on a day where I felt absolutely horrible. The truth is, I didn't look like that on that day. I wasn't wearing a speck of makeup, the lighting wasn't like that, and my skin wasn't clear. Below is the the original image beside this image.

 

This here, is just a small example of how much you can change how you look, or change how someone else looks with some sort of photo editor. And this photo, was edited with a very, very basic online editor called picmonkey.com. As you can see, I was able to make myself look more away, remove the dark circles under my eyes, eliminate most of the acne that was visble, add makeup that looks REAL, and as most basic editors let you do, change the lighting. By using the few tools available on picmonkey I was able to look better than how I actually looked and felt. This isn't anything new to me. For a long time, I hid being sick from those who weren't close to me. In photographs I did not want to look sick, I wanted to look alive. I made it my duty to not look sick, and a lot of the time, without even trying you can not tell, as I do have an invisible illness, but sometimes, it takes a toll on me, especially my worst days where I looked like a walking corpse. When I got sick, I suppose is when I really got into make-up. It was one of the ways to make me look healthier than what I was. So days when I want to take a selfie, but look awful, picmonkey can do the job instead of me applying make-up. This isn't the only thing you can do only such a simple editor though, you can change your proportions. I can increase or decrease my bust, chin, nose, lips, legs, arms, stomach, literally anything. I can change my hair colour, eye colour, I can add a spray tan, or lighten my skin. If this is what you can do with an editor that is free for the basics, or $5 a month for a few extra's, imagine just how much you can change with proper editors such as photoshop. People all around the world have been showing just what you can do in an editor, but I felt it important that I should share my own part in it. Too many girls are wanting to look like the photo's in magazines and on billboards, but the models, mots of the time, DON'T look like that. There has been instances where the photographed person no longer looks like themselves. We need to make more and more young girls aware of this, until they understand. It isn't real, and you're still beautiful whether you look like an edited photo or not.

When Life Throws A Curveball

So recently I've come to the realisation, my health really has take a wrong turn. Although my fortnightly B12 injections help a lot with my neurological symptoms, I am no longer able to do things I was able to do just a few months ago. Whether this is to do with stress in my life at the moment, or just an unlucky bout I'm having - I don't really know.
My pain levels have been really bad as of late also. I need to start building up the use in my arms again, as I can't play my cello for as long as I used to be able (even whilst sick). It was just 12 months ago, I was playing my cello for 6-10 hours a day at music camp, and my body coped really well. At the moment, I'm lucky to get a 30 minute practice in without feeling weak, having tired out, and on occasion, feeling a bit dizzy.
I had plans, that this year was going to be my year. I was more positive about this year than I have ever been about a New Year. This is the year I graduate, something I've had to take an extra two years to do. All my friends left for uni last year, then the friends I made since are leaving for uni in these current weeks. I also had so many goals. To get my not for profit organisation up and running, to complete and pass at least 1 A.M.E.B exam on my cello, record some quality songs, regularly perform at retiremant and nursing homes, move town, take up all opportunites thrown at me for my blogging and do more modeling. All of those opportunities are sitting there, in front of me. I am mentally ready to grab onto them with all my soul! Physically, I'm not so sure I can do everything I had hoped and wanted. Graduating has to happen this year. It is my last chance really. I also feel like I have to do the AMEB exam this year. I've waited too long and surely, I'm at a disadvantage having not done one in my 10 years of studying the cello? The NFP organisation I have help with, but not nearly enough so I feel this is going to take me a great deal longer to have happen; I find this really disappointing. I am creating it as something positive, not just for me, but so many others. It makes me feel I've let down so many people. My modeling is really easy to deal with - it does not take all that much energy out of me because really, it's just acting for a photograph. Do you know how many times I have 'acted healthy' and no one has even noticed something is wrong? (except for my mum of course, mother's know everything).
Although I now know everything is going to take a bit of a halt, or delay, my dad sent me some very wise words.
"You need to find joy in who you are, not who you wish you were. Who you want to be is a journey everyone must make.. It has many steps, and takes as long as it takes and unfortunately, there are no shortcuts. And you my girl, have a few extra steps on that journey - overcoming your illness. Don't let your illness define you. There are ways to get better, you know what they are. And you are the only one that can do them. Mum and I will help if we can. We love you kiddo. Don't forget that"
This made me feel a lot better - but I still feel disappointed in myself. At times, my illnesses do define who I am. They have changed me, and continue to change me. This year will be hard, but I will make it work. Some how.